One of the books I bought in this year's book fair is Too Busy Not To Pray by Bill Hybels. You can tell from the title why I bought this book.
In Chapter 3 "God is able", the author mentioned that he didn't want to pray because he didn't believe God is omnipotent at the bottom of his heart. I paused after reading it. I asked myself why I don't pray much. After a short reflection, my answer is quite different from his.
First, I am on the opposite side. I believe He is omnipotent, to an extent that He knows all my need. He knows better than I do. As a result, I don't know what to say in front of Him. I know He loves to hear my prayer. But a lot of time, I just don't think what I say really matter.
Experience is another issue. Having been a Christian for more than 20 years, I can't remember if there is any praying moment that is very memorable, like feeling myself filled with Holy Spirit after praying. Worst still, there were several times when I got so focus on my prayer, I got some weird experience that is almost terrifying. I keep trying. And the enthusiasm keep dropping.
I believe the way I communicate with my parents (especially my father) has a direct impact on how I communicate with God. This is a natural projection, I guess. Since I didn't know how to communicate with my dad in the past, I also feel there is some distance between God and I. That also make praying difficult. At the bottom of my heart, I feel like talking to air instead of God.
Of course, I won't give up. That's why I bought the book and see if there is any insight and practice I can follow.
I know it takes prayer to sustain my family, to raise Daniel and be his role model. I pray that this time, I can get closer to God.
1 則留言:
Ｆirst of all, religion is all about experience. Ｅven non-Ｃhristians believe that Ｇod is omnipotent. Ｂut they just cannot experience the presence of Ｇod. Ｈowever, this experience varies with individual & circumstances. Ｂesides, the experience of the presence of Ｇod is against "nature". Ｗe are so used to using our mind that we might even reject any unusual experience.
Ｗhenever we have to solve a problem, we first think, then we work, even if we are Ｃhristians, we usually but prayer in the last priority. Ｔhat's why we have to practice "the experience of the presence of Ｇod". Ｗe should do this in everything we do or think in everyday life, not just in our devotion. Ｂut of course we don't! Ｔhat's why most Ｃhristian "exist" as Ｃhristians, not feeling the presence of Ｇod but feel like praying to air. Ｉ was once like that myself. Ｔhat's why Ｉ know how you feel.
Ｂesides, it depends on how you define "prayer". Ｐrayer can simply be coming to Ｇod, opening our whole self:body, mind & spirit to Ｈim, and then "listen" to what he has to say to us, instead going on and on about what we want. Ｓimply enjoying Ｈis presence, Ｉ find, is the greatest blessing in Ｃhristian life - not wanting anything from Ｈim, not having to repeat things Ｈe already knows. Ｊust be there whole-heartedly,enjoying Ｈim and letting Ｈim enjoy your coming to Ｈim voluntarily, like you enjoying every single movement Ｄaniel make, every sound he utters, even enjoy watching him sleep, looking at his chest moving up and down with every breathing he makes.
Ｗe are different, and so can have different spiritual experiences. Ｓome, like Ａpostle Ｐaul, are very dramatic. Ｏthers, 潤物細無聲. Ｇod deals with each and every on e of us uniquely. Ｉ pray that as you see Ｄaniel grow up, you can experience how a father feels when he sees his child coming to him, wanting to be near him and loving him.
Ｒemember, Ｉ pray constantly for you and your family, just as Ｉ have always done.
Ｍuch love,
mom
發佈留言