Servant or Slave?

"From Paul, a slave of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God" (Romans 1:1 New English Translation)

Today is the first time of the year that I have sharing time with my colleague. I decided to start reading Romans for sharing. So, I read the first few verses of the book on my way to work.

The first verse of the book stroke me. "A slave of Christ Jesus"! In Chinese Bible, the term being used is 僕人, which can be directly translated as servant. Servant is also being used in NIV, while The Message uses "devoted slave"!

the term "slave" annoys me. I feel uneasy when saying I am a slave of Christ. Servant makes me feel better. It gives me a feeling that I am employed with a contract and salary. I can be free to do whatever when I am not on duty (just imagine the way a lot of domestic helper nowadays are.) The statue between a servant and the master feels like relatively equal, when comparing to slave.

On the other hand, slave has no freedom. A slave is his master's property. His life is dedicated to his master. And it feels like a slave has no life of his own.

I know intellectually that we are either the slave of righteousness, or slave of the world. But mentally, it is really difficult to ask myself to be enslaved by Jesus Christ. At the end, it is a matter of how much I am willing to let go and submit to Him. This verse shows that I am still far from the ideal. I still want to be my master. The price is I can neither enjoy the fruitful life in Christ, nor the worldly pleasure.

This verse reminds me, without fully submitting myself to Christ, His calling would be meaningless to me, because I may only follow what I like instead of what He wants. Also, there will be no setting part for His mission. Surly, I do not want to live a life without meaning or direction.

I believe that total submission is a learning process. There will be lots of struggles, temptations, and ups and downs. For me, I learn it today that how unwilling I am to start doing so. So, I will start from here and ask God to change my mind. Hopefully, step by step, my life may start to turn to the path of submission.